Summary of this semester

I am sad to say this but the class that I have been sharing about is coming to a close. The semester is over and I will be closing up talking about this class. But I hope I wont be gone from this blog forever. Starting this class I signed up because I needed a few more credits for my pre- requisites. I had no idea that this class would be my favorite class and that I would learn SO MUCH. I looked forward to this class every week and couldn't wait till the evening so I could tell my family the interesting things that I learned that day in my family relations class. I believe that I liked this class so much because it can really help me in my every day life. I am not married and I do not have any kids but I loved learning and retaining the information to keep in the back of my brain for when those moments do come around. I was told to share ten things that I learned from this class and I would like to share some of those with you today to summarize the past few months in this class. Cohabiting-

I really enjoyed learning about the facts and studies people have done on when people live together before they are married. There was a study I remember our professor talking about: If you live together before marriage you are more likely to get a divorce after five to seven years than if you waited till marriage to live together. Sexual Intimacy- I know this could be a very uncomfortable topic but I learned so much from it that I do not want to forget.Men are known to want to have sex more than women. Now remember that is not always true with every relationship. Women like to snuggle and be more emotionally there and men prefer to be more physical. Girls like to be stable in emotional states and boys like to be stable in physical states. Now that can be very hard and maybe even disagree with others because the boy might feel like the girl doesn't love him because she does not want to have sex with him every night. That is why you need to have a conversation with your husband or wife and explain how you are feeling and find a way on how to meet in the middle. Relationship Attachment Model-The RAM Model was produced by Dr. John Van Epp in his research regarding relationships progression. It’s a simple way to look at how relationships should grow to become healthy relationships. You should be increasing it from left to right for a healthy growth. It needs to go in order or there could be possible problems in the relationship. Teach your kids to make their own decisions-This might have not been in a textbook but it really stood out to me when the professor shared about how he let his daughter pick out her outfit for kindergarten and the mom went crazy when she saw mix matched clothes. You have to teach your kids and then let them choose their decisions you cannot control your kids forever. And lastly, Fathers are just as important as mothers-I feel like fathers get left in the dust sometimes and they deserve a lot of credit. Fathers play a huge role in the family and kids suffer from horrible consequences if a father isn’t in the home, like they are more likely to get involved in drugs, pornography, and gang activity and are more likely to become sexually promiscuous later into their lives. These are just a few things that I have learned from this class and I could go on and on but I think I shared the most important ones.

-Claire

Parenting

Parenting is one of the most important things you could ever do in your life. You bring a child into this world and teach them about life and how to live. It can be very hard to do but in the end it is so worth it. Raising kids can be very hard because kids are very needy but they are supposed to be, they don't know any better. You have to know how to teach them though and how to handle it. In class we talked about 5 needs for children written by Popkins. The five needs are 1. All children have a need for belonging and contact which can be physical contact or even eye contact. Everyone wants to feel wanted and belonged.If this is not there then the child could get very sick. 2. No sense for belonging- every child wants to feel like they have a home and that someone wants them and feels loved. 3. Need for power- kids want to feel like they have a say in things and also need someone who is above them that has power, usually a parent. It is needed for responsibility and ways to learn.4. Protection- Children was to feel safe and that is the parents job. 5. Withdrawl- children can be traumatized if they feel that they are being withdrawn. It can be the worst thing for a child.
Brother Williams shared a story about a hospital where half of the babies had a higher mortality rate than the other side of the hospital. Everyone was so confused and they swapped out sanitation ways and even swapped doctors on both sides. No one knew what the problem could be. Nothing changed when they made all of those changes. They later realized that there was a cleaning lady that after she was done cleaning, she would rock the babies and love them. They realized that those babies were living longer because they were having contact and love. I loved that story because that just shows that people cannot live without contact and love. Babies have been in a mothers womb for 9 months straight and has felt warm and loved and then comes out and it cold and alone. This is not just for babies either. Everyone needs contact and that is where parenting comes in. Parents are there to love their kids and give them contact. It can make the kids healthier- socially, mentally and even physically.
What is your favorite part of parenting?

Fathers and Finance

Fathers are a wonderful thing and should be celebrated everyday. They play a huge role in the family. They show how to provide and protect. I know a lot of families are different and some do not have fathers which is fine because everyone has different circumstances. But a fatherly figure doesn't always have to be a dad. A fatherly figure can be a grandpa, uncle, bishop, church leader, neighbor, or family friend. Everyone needs a fatherly figure in their life. They teach you things that mothers cannot. A father can be there for finances which doesn't always mean just the money brought in but how the money is used. Back in the days fathers were usually the main providers and brought in all of the money. Nowadays that is not usual. Both parents work now and aren't always there for their kids. Mothers used to stay home for the kids and nurture them and fathers were gone to work to provide and make money for the family. We also talked about finances and we talked about paying kids for chores and grades as a reward. Our professor recommended to not do that. It is not good. Most kids will most likely end up not wanting to do it or hate it because they see it as a job and not a chore to help around the house. It does not teach your kids the value of keeping the house clean and being told what to do and to respect adults.If you pay your kid every time they do something then from then on they will expect money for doing anything. If you then ask them to go put away their clothes they will be like " oh okay I will do it for five dollars".That is not how children should be raised.  Manage money before it manages you. You need to have a good saving management and ways to save money and how to budget. Dave Ramsey is a great example on how to save money and is very wise on that type of stuff. Budgeting is a very good thing to do and having a savings account is also very wise. You never know what emergency will happen in your life that will need you to have a big chunk of money on hand and need it right then. Savings can be hard but it will always be good to know that you have money on hand that is there in case of emergencies. What are some good savings tips that you have and would like to share with others?
Have a good day!
XOXO
-Claire

Communication and Mutual Problem Solving

This week we talked about a very special topic that is very important in any relationship you have in your life. COMMUNICATION. Nothing will work out if you do not communicate. That is a fact. As a girl I know that communicating can be hard sometimes. I just sometimes want everyone to just know how I am feeling without having to share it lol. I know that sounds crazy but it really makes sense in my head. I just want them to read my mind. But that is not a healthy way to resolve problems. I remember when I first started dating my boyfriend and we would get into arguments and I wouldn't tell him how I really felt but then would get mad that he did not understand me and where I was coming from. Now that I look back on it I was just immature and not experienced. I did not know how important communication was until I learned that my communication was lacking horribly and it was effecting my relationship with him. He never understood why I would get so frustrated and I would not tell him why I was feeling so annoyed and not wanting to talk. Now that I am older and mature I know now when to tell him I am annoyed and the reasoning. It has helped our relationship so much. Our arguments are rare and when we do, they are short and to the point. Communication is not just for your spouse and you, it can be with everyone you meet. Your first impression with someone involves communication. Your tone, voice and sound. If you meet someone and they are like hey with an annoyed face then I would think they arent interested but if someone says hey hows it going! In a upbeat voice. Then I would think that they are excited to talk to me and actually wants to be there. Texting can also be a hard way to communicate. Everyone uses different ways of texting and that can be hard to learn. I remember I used to text my mom and end it with a !. So i would say " hey mom!" or "okay I am on my way home!" and then one day she said " stop yelling at me. Why are you mad?" That whole time, she thought I was mad at her... I had no idea. A ! means happy to me an d I would use it instead of a period all of the time. Whenever my mom used to use a period I always thought she was mad at me but I realized she wasnt. Communication can be hard but it is needed everyday. Do you have an example of a time when communication was not being used and was needed?

The Family Under Stress

Stress can be a very hard thing to deal with and many do not know healthy ways to deal with it. Many feel that just because they are your family that you are allowed to let all of your stress out on your family because they are your family and that is what they are there for. Yes your family will be there for you and that is what they are there for. Family should be there for you and listen to you and give healthy advice back but that is not how that works a lot of the time sadly. Many of us will blow up on our families when we are stressed and put all of our troubles on them. That is not healthy. Now your whole family feels the burdens and may think that you are mad at them. But that is not right. Family is there to push you up and be a great ear to listen. But family will not be there all the time if you stress them and put all of your problems on them and are always negative. We have to learn healthy ways to deal with stress. I believe that if you are stressed you should take a few hours to relax and meditate before you share it with others or try to fix whatever you are stressed about. Relax for a little bit and collect your thoughts and then come out and share how you feel and what that person thinks you should do. For mormon culture we talk a lot about marriage and how to be with your spouse through difficult and stressful times. It can really strengthen a relationship. Growing up I always thought that marriage got easy  as you went on and that there were not problems. Maybe I felt this way because I never saw my parents argue. But as I have grown up I have realized that that is not the case. Marriage is hard and will not be easy. But a huge part of making marriage work is communication. If you are stressed and don't tell anyone about it or your spouse then nothing will change and you will become frustrated and your marriage could go downhill. In class we were talking about times when stress has brought a family together and many shared very nice stories about times that many of their families were in a stressful time in their life but they worked as a family or they realized the true way to happiness which is family and just learned that even if you seem to have a perfect life or have so much money, that you can still experience stress and family problems. No one is perfect. We all have our own issues and experience stress but the way that we handle it is the way that can really show who we are. Do you have any family stories where you guys experienced stress but came out better in the end?

XOXO
-Claire

Sexual Intimacy and Family Life

Hey Everyone!
This week our topic might be a little taboo and not very comfortable to talk about but it needs to be talked about. Sexual intimacy is a very important part of marriage and can bring the couple together and make them feel closer. A lot of teenagers and young single adults nowadays do not believe that saving that special time for marriage. It is just something fun to do with boyfriends and girlfriends and sometimes even a random stranger. We talked in more detail about how men and women are sexually. Men are known to want to have sex more than women. Now remember that is not always true with every relationship. Women like to snuggle and be more emotionally there and men prefer to be more physical. Girls like to be stable in emotional states and boys like to be stable in physical states. Now that can be very hard and maybe even disagree with others because the boy might feel like the girl doesn't love him because she does not want to have sex with him every night. That is why you need to have a conversation with your husband or wife and explain how you are feeling and find a way on how to meet in the middle. But a lot of the time a husband is not just wanting to have sex just to please him, he wants to be close and comfortable next to his wife. Just because a girl does not want to have sex does not mean that she is not interested in him. Girls just don't have those feelings as much as men do every day. Sex should be very sacred and only between a married couple. We were given sex to be able to create children and bring more children to this earth. But now a days the world has changed the meaning of what sex is. Sex is a pleasurable thing to make 2 people feel good but that should not be the main reason of sex. Sex brings children into the world. Men peak sexually at 18 and 19 and women peak at 30 to 34. It is very interesting how different those ages are. It is very important to talk to your spouse about how you feel and any problems or different ways you are feeling. A relationship thrives with communication. The other person cannot read your mind. They will not know how you are feeling unless you share it with them. It is good to talk about these type of things. Another thing as well that isn't fully on this topic but I think is very important is that I do not think that this topic should be very taboo and hard to talk about with others. When I have children of my own I want to be able to talk to my children openly about sex and other " awkward" topics. I do not want my children to look up those questions online and then read false readings and then they get curious and keep reading and looking up more questions. It can be very dangerous. We need to be more open talking about this and be able to educate our children and not let them be alone on learning about these interesting topics about life.
What do you guys think about this topic?
Have a great week and stay safe.

Cohabiting

So this week we talked about cohabiting and how research shows that if you live together than you are more likely to get a divorce after 5 to 7 years. That is very sad but when you live together before you are married then you are putting yourself in a situation that is not what Heavenly Father wants for us. You have completely different lives, phone bills, car payments, bank accounts and ways of doing things. I just feel like it would be weird living with someone who I wasn't married to. Since you are not married you probably don't share a bank account which I feel like would be awkward like who pays for the groceries every week, who pays the water bill, who pays for rent? Do you have to remember the bills for everything so that you can split it at the end of the month? That just doesn't sound right. It sounds stressful and annoying. We also talked about dating and how we should actually get to know the person before we marry them. Many people just hurry and get married and they barely even know the person. Like do you even know their favorite color? Have you met their parents before? There are a lot of things you should do before you get married to someone. You will be with this person for eternity so you need to make sure you are making a good decision. We also went over that we should go out on dates and not just stay in and watch a movie. You need to get to know the person and go out and experience life with them and how they deal with things in certain situations. You need to know the person you are marrying and to keep dating them even after you are married.

-Claire

Dating

This week we talked about dating and how things have changed in the days. 20 or 30 years ago it was normal to date numerous people at the same time and that was normal. Now a days you only go on dates with one person at a time. If you go on dates with multiple people then you are a player or not serious. Much has changed. My mom told me that she went on dates with multiple people even when she was *not officially* dating my dad. My dad went to track events every weekend so my mom would go on dates with him on the week days and then go on different dates with other guys on the weekends. That apparently was very normal back then. If you did that now, the guy would leave you in a flash and accuse you of cheating. Dating is very important in our lives right now as college students. We are here to find an eternal spouse but sometimes it is fast forwarded too much. We go to college and then get married 2 months later. I do not think that is the correct way to do it though. You do not know that person. My mom always says that you need to date someone through every season so you know how they act through each season. Me and my boyfriend have been dating for almost 2 years now which is crazy long in Mormon world but it has been good. We really get to know each other and see who we really are and it has been great. We do want to get married in the future but we are not rushing it. We are enjoying our time where we are and are not going to rush anything. Dating early on is good to learn what you like and what you do not like and then you can filter it through and make a list on what you like and what you do not. When I was younger I wrote a list about what I want in a future spouse and have stuck to it. Some things I have written are " outgoing, funny, righteous, priesthood holder, loves his family, loves my family, and loves children". I encourage everyone to do that and stick to it. We need to have standards and not just have the first to come around and just be "okay" with it. We all have someone out there for each and every one of us. We just need to wait for our time and be patient.

XOXO
-Claire

Gender and Family Life

When you hear the word " gender" it can be a very touchy topic. 20 years ago someone would just have said its either a boy or girl. In 2020 it can mean multiple things. Then we get to the topic of same gender attraction. Is it okay? Do Christians hate gays? Is it a choice to be gay? Those are all very controversial topics that I sadly do not have the answers to. But I will share what I think. As a Mormon we are taught that marriage should be between a man and woman and that that is God's plan. A man is there to provide for his family and the woman is there to nurture the family. Each person has a role. One should not do more than the other. They work as a team. Also each parent sets a roll for the children. There are things that a dad can teach the children that the mom cannot and there are things that the mom can teach the children that the dad cannot. So when there are two mom's or two dad's then those children are missing certain things from that " missing" parent. We do NOT and never will hate gays. We are told to love everyone and that is what we will do. I will try to give an example that could either help someone understand it better or just make it worse.. but Ill give it a shot. You love your family right? You would do anything for them but sometimes you don't really like the choices they make- your sister wearing your clothes without asking, your mom signing you up to babysit on a fun Friday night or your brother leaving his dirty clothes everywhere. You can love gay people with all of your heart but not love what actions they are doing. God created a man and a woman to be able to create children which is a big part of why we are here on earth. You cannot create a baby with the same gender. Some gay people say it was their choice and some say they did not have a choice, either way we should love one another and be there for eachother because are all humans and all have challenges and should not put anyone down. We are all on the same team so lets start acting like it.

XOXOXO
-Claire

Culture

Hey everyone!
This week we will be talking about culture. When I first heard that I had to write about culture, I was a little nervous. I do not feel like my family has a certain culture but in class we talked about how even in different places in the United States of America can have different cultures. That got me thinking... I have lived in Florida my whole entire life even in the same house. I have not really ventured out into any other parts of the country to live there. Until I got an email that said I got accepted to Brigham Young University- Idaho. I was thrilled. Everyone in high school would share where they are going to college and everyone would say " wow Idaho? That is so far, I did not know there was anything in Idaho other than potatoes." But I was still excited. Both of my older sisters have gone there and they warned me about " culture shock" I had no idea what that was but I did not think it could be too bad. I got to college and a few days in, I started realizing things around me that I was not used to. College students bringing a baby to class, college students being married, college students getting married after four months of knowing someone, saying a prayer and singing a hymn before starting class, living in a very tiny town, everyone being so nice to each other and teachers involving church topics into a math class.Someone in class brought up how he thought it was so weird that everyone played some game called spike ball where you throw a ball into a net and try to get it to not hit the floor and he was just confused why so many people were playing this game and playing a lot of games in general haha. Now before anyone tries to assume, I do not think any of these things are wrong or bad. I was just not used to this at all and did not expect it. None of those things happen in my hometown. I did not prepare myself for it. But that is just the culture of Rexburg , Idaho. Even just after a few days, I fell in love with Rexburg. I fell in love with those weird cultured things in Rexburg. The culture where I live is very different. Young Adults go to college to party and not get married. It is not a small town- when you go to the grocery store you walk past strangers that you have never seen and probably wont see ever again. Yet, in Rexburg you will go to the grocery store and you will run into your professor, that baby that you sit next to in your math class, and a TA in one of your classes. I LOVE IT! In my family I thought we did not really have a culture but when I started thinking about it, we do. My grandma is from Alabama and we do have some southern flare in our family. Lots of food is always at a gathering and will most likely always be fried. We love to make everyone welcome at our house and make them feel like they are part of our family as well. No matter where you are from or where you are, there is culture. This week go around town and see what YOUR culture is and what you love the most about it.
XOXO
-Claire

Stay you.

Family Dynamics

Hi Friends,
     I know this is only my second week of writing this blog but I think that this week might be my favorite topic. I want to talk about Family Dynamics. I thought this was just so interesting to talk about. In class, I loved listening to everyone's comments and thoughts on everything. We talked about a very interesting topic: What are some " unspoken" rules in your home that you just have always known? It was kind of hard for me to think of one but then when others started sharing I just got the biggest laughs because I thought my family only had these unspoken rules but I guess I was wrong. A few of those unspoken rules from my family are: The OLDEST child can only sit in the front seat when were all driving, we are all grown up now but when we are all in a car together you can bet that my oldest sister is in the front. For this next one, I swore I was the only one who had to do this so I am making a public apology to my mom for all the hard times I gave her on this one saying that I was the only kid who had to do this- We were expected to have our rooms cleaned when we had visitors over for dinner. I just never understood that. Why would I have to have my room cleaned when someone is coming over for dinner.. are these people coming into my room to eat dinner? That would be awkward. Apparently a lot of other moms made their kids do that too.. it made me feel better that it wasn't just me. We have "unspoken" assigned seats at dinner. My mom never told us that you can only sit in that exact seat but it has just become our seats. You never really notice it but now that I look at it, my family totally has assigned seats. Growing up I was always the baby of the family and still am even at the age of 19. I always would bring a bar stool to the dinner table and would sit by my mom but when I started getting older and bigger, the bar stool did not work. At that time, my older siblings were growing up and moving out and I eventually moved to a " real" chair. To this day I would never call it my assigned seat though. My true seat is by my mom on a bar stool. We also were asked how we knew this was a rule if it was unspoken, I found out about the front seat rule when I finally one day told myself that I would try and get to the front seat FIRST... then a few seconds later I saw an annoyed older sister and heard " Mom!! Tell Claire to get out the front seat!!" I have to admit, I did try a few more times but then finally gave up. The front seat is for the oldest sibling. Period. Many of us may think that our family dynamics are weird, embarrassing, stupid or pointless but they're not. Wanna know why? Because they make up YOUR family and they are your team. Look back at those family dynamics and see how they made you, you and how it makes up your family. They also are good to reminisce on funny time and make good laughs. Call up some of your family members this week and reminisce on some of your families unspoken rules and see how they made you, you. Remember that Family is Everything.

XOXO
-Claire

Stay YOU.

Week 1

Hi Everyone!
   This is my first blog! This is so exciting. I cannot wait to share with you guys my thoughts about different topics each week. I will be sharing MY thoughts and opinions so beware of that as you read my blogs. You may not agree with everything I say and that is perfectly fine. We all have our opinions and differences.This first week we are going to be talking about FAMILIES. What is your family like? Do you have siblings? I have a mom and dad and two sisters. We are all very close and love to be together. I know everyone doesn't have the same type of family as the one I just described. Some may have bigger or smaller family,some may just have brothers or sisters or combined, some may have two moms or two dads, or some may come from a single parent. We all are different and that is perfectly fine. Life would be very different if we were all the exact same. I actually think it would be pretty boring. Everyone comes from a different background. I personally love statistics about families and think that they are very interesting. Let me share some with you. My source is the Lauer&Lauer Book . In 1960, there were 82,000 births to unmarried women but in 2007, there were 643,000. That was mind blowing to me. I feel like when I look back 30 or 40 years back I feel like everyone got married and then moved in together and then had a family. I wasn't born then so I am not one to talk but from stories that my parents and grandparents have shared, that is the picture I imagine.Now in 2020, that is a completely different story. More than 8 out of 10 teenagers become mothers out of wedlock. The rate of marriages have gone down tremendously. In 2009, 31.7 Americans live alone. Think about how much is probably is now. Young adults are not wanting to get married. The divorce rate is 50% so maybe that is the reason why they are not getting married. Something that everyone needs to know is that marriage isn't supposed to be easy all of the time. What would be the point? All of your trials are supposed to just completely stop right when you get married? Nope, life still needs to go on. Marriage is supposed to be to find a partner to help get through trials together and I feel like that is why the divorce rate is so high because people come in with expectations that this is going to be easy all of the time and that if some bump comes along then it is time to get divorced. We need to encourage others to get married and have a family. Family is a wonderful thing. We are told that we need to create lives to be put in this world to let them live their life and to be done in the bonds of marriage.You have these people that you live with that are there for you no matter what. Sometimes in the world, we may feel like you are all alone and that you're having to face the world all alone but just look behind you... you have your family right there. They will be there with you FOREVER and will do anything for you. If you are reading this and feeling like this is not what you feel with your family, then I am here to give you a challenge- Call/text/visit your family this week and have a good conversation with them about getting closer to make it feel like we are all on the same team.

Have a good week! Stay you.
XOXO
-Claire Patera